A PRAYER

LAS NIGHT STARTED KINDA HARD FOR ME; ACTUALLY MOST OF YESTERDAY HAD ME DOWN AND OUT. MY SPIRIT FELT LOST. I MISSD MY BABY DEARLY AND IN MY MIND I STARTED TO BLAME HER AND EVERYBODY ELSE FOR MY SADNESS. BUT I KNOW ITS NOT THEIR FAULT. I JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO BLAME FOR MY MENTAL SORENESS. I STARTED TO THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WERE TAKEN OR LEFT ME IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. (NOT NECESSARILY BY DEATH). LETS START THE LIST:

• AGE 7 MY BESTIE JAMES ; AGE 8 MY FATHER (RIP); AGE 9 MY POP (RIP)
• 6TH GRADE A WONDERFUL BAND DIRECTOR; 8TH GRADE ANOTHER WONDERFUL BAND DIRECTOR (PPL WHO KNO ME KNOW HOW I LUV MUSIC AND MY INSTRUMENT)
• 9TH GRADE MY OTHER BESTIE MEGHAN; 11TH MY STEP BROTHERS
• 12TH GRADE MY BESTIE KENDALL & ANOTHER BAND DIRECTOR
• THE LIST GOES ON &ON

AS THE WORLD CONTINUES TO TAKE, I FEEL LARGER SPELLS OF PAIN AND ANGUISH. MY MIND AND HEART HAS BEING TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER. I'VE BEEN ASKING THE LORD TO PROVIDE ME WITH WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE BUT FOR A WHILE ITS BEEN FEELING LIKE HE HASN'T BEEN LISTENING. BUT I KNOW FOR SURE HE'S ALWAYS LISTENING, MAYBE ITS ME THAT'S NOT LISTENING.

LAST NIGHT AFTER LAYING IN SELF PITY AND SMOKING YET ANOTHER CIGARETTE, WHILE I WAS OUTSIDE SOMETHING TOLD ME TO JUST CALL ON THE LORD. SO I BOWED MY HEAD,BECAME HUMBLE BEFORE HIM UNDER THE DARK SKIES AND CALLED ON HIS NAME. I ASKED HIM FOR WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING ONCE AGAIN. FOR HIM TO ENTER MY HEART AND SPIRIT ; TOLD HIM I WAS READY TO DO HIS WILL; TOLD HIM I WAS TIRED OF BEING SAD AND I KNO JOY COMES FROM HIM IN THE HEAVENS ABOVE. I GAVE MY PROBLEMS OVER TO HIM.

AFTER I FINISHED MY PRAYER AND WENT TO MY ROOM TO RESIGN FOR THE NIGHT, I FELT SO GOOD, AS IF THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD WAS OFF MY SHOULDERS. EVEN THOUGH I DIDNT GO TO SEE TIL 3AM THE REST OF MY NIGHT WAS PEACEFUL. I KNO MY TIME FOR PEACE AND FAVOR IS VASTLY APPROACHING BECAUSE LIFE IS GETTING HARDER AND HARDER BY THE MINUTE. BUT I CAN GET THROUGH AND I CAN SUCCEED. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS P.U.S.H! (PRAY.UNTIL.SOMETHING.HAPPENS.! )